Something I've noticed about everyone around me, and I'm not excluding my old way of thinking either, but many people are looking for their "other half", their "missing puzzle piece." They're looking for someone to fill that void, and to fulfill their every need, and be everything that they've ever dreamed of, just like the fairy-tale stories in the movies.
I see a problem with this. The problem is that when we have this viewpoint, we are expecting our significant other to be "perfect." And when we have this perception that our "other half" is perfect, we become disappointed in them when they make a mistake or "break our heart". The truth is, everyone will disappoint you at some point because of the fact that no one is perfect! But it is BECAUSE of the commitment, solid friendship, relationship (and everything invested and involved) that you've got to work through those problems and forgive and forget. Choose your battles, right? It is because you have chosen to love that person, that you should stick with them to overcome the hard times which in turn will help both grow closer and stronger together that will eventually last a lifetime.
So instead of finding our other half, shouldn't we be complete on our own as a individual, and realize that love is ultimately a choice? My roommate told me a really good analogy the other day that fit exactly what I have been trying to put into words. She said "You have to be your own puzzle and have all your pieces before you can find another puzzle to go through life with. You cannot be with someone who is looking for pieces to fill their puzzle because you already have all your pieces! You need to find someone else who is a complete puzzle to share life with." If someone is looking for puzzle pieces to fit into their puzzle, they are going to be disappointed (like I mentioned).You have to be happy on your own before involving another. The phrase "I cannot live without him." should not be a reason to be with someone. You SHOULD be able to live without him. You CAN live without him. The reason to be with him is because you WANT, you CHOOSE to be with him, to SHARE, to go through life with him. It should only be a BLESSING and the FROSTING ON THE CAKE to share life with another.
Not everyone would agree with me that love is a choice and I understand why. They'd tell me that it was love at first sight. They saw each other from across the room and felt the attraction and just "knew" that that was "The one". The man asked the woman out and they fell in love from that moment on. I see it a little differently. Yes, you have to have attraction between the two of you, however, I don't believe you can love someone right away. I believe that you have to get to know them, and that is where the choice comes in- Love is taking the time to build that foundation of friendship and trust and learning how to relate to that person. It is spending time going out and doing activities together, solving problems, conversing, and laughing. Love is being there for a person, encouraging him, building him up, supporting him. Love is being able to be in silence with a person without it being awkward. It is being willing to try new things and new interests that are important to that other person, even if you wouldn't ordinarily do it on your own. Love is listening to each other and giving advice, and opening yourself up to your deepest darkest secrets, letting yourself be vulnerable in front of that person.
Feelings fade over time, and this is why people always say they "fell out of love." The reason they say that is because they based their love on feelings. They thought the feelings would always be there to sustain their marriage. But love has to be based on the things I listed above, the friendship part of it. That is why it is a choice. It is because of who a person is and what you share that makes you WANT to love them. I don't mean to be totally excluding feelings as being a part of love. It definitely is a part, I just wanted to emphasize that it shouldn't totally be based on feelings. Instead of feelings fueling commitment (by commitment, I mean the desire to do all the things listed above), commitment (everything listed above, having that friendship, knowledge of each other, etc.) fuels feelings.
So here is what I've chosen to do.
I want to focus on preparing myself for marriage. If I don't even have myself "together" how am I going to love my husband, or be able to deal with his problems or our problems as a couple. If I am choosing to marry a man, that means that he is the most important person in the world to me (besides family), that I am giving myself to him, that in my eyes he is perfectly imperfect, and my best friend and that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Therefore, that says I believe he deserves the best. If he chooses me to marry, then I want to be sure that I am the best wife, friend, partner for him! And what better time than now, a single woman to prepare for that!
So here's my proposal, suggestion, and challenge to all my fellow single individuals out there, don't focus so much on trying to find the one, but instead focus on yourself and how you can be the best, complete person on your own so that you will be prepared and ready to share your life with another person. You wouldn't climb a mountain without water, a map, hiking boots, backpack, and other gear, so why enter a marriage without gear?
